| ghostwriting |
[Aug. 26th, 2008|11:23 am] |
been gone a while, it's not like me.
i'm stoked for the new administration.
the boy got me into WoW, who could have called it?
everythings changing, but it's all still the same.
when patrick says 'folie a deux' he says it like 'fully i do'
it's funny to me. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Jul. 24th, 2008|01:08 am] |
|
The Dark Knight has eaten and destroyed my brain. Not too much of value was lost. I think in my voracious search for commentary on the event, cause at this point, it's nowhere neeear *just a movie*, the funniest thing I've come across, was someone who said "How bout for the next movie, my vagina will play the villain and Christian Bale can beat it for a hundred and fifty two minutes?" PS. Dear Joker, I wish you could be in everything ever made ever. Damn you. |
|
|
| Some men just want to watch the world burn |
[Jul. 18th, 2008|11:43 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  ecstatic | ] |
Obligatory Dark Knight post #198374.....2 coming up.
Epic win? Fuck yes.
Saw it? Seeing it?
Filter out your thoughts/opinions here.
I want to talk so much about this movie.
Figure I'll write up something fancy at some point, when I can finally stop bathing in the afterglow of it. |
|
|
| said, 'maybe, you're gonna be the one that saves me' |
[Jun. 26th, 2008|11:31 pm] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | backseat, bitch | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  anxious | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | radio rotation | ] |
its weird when your gut gives up the flight or fight mechanism. when your brain is on overdrive to remember every moment of the ride, because, really, who knew it got *this* good? and for you, of all people? old friends offer piece of mind, if only the idea of them and new friends make you feel like this is what you were looking for all this time.
got out-shotgunned on the way to fayetteville, so im backseat royalty. got the stars on my shoulders and smoke from the forest fire stinging my eyes. but you know i couldnt be happier. he's twentyone in just over two days. oh, there will be birthday suits.
im excited. what has *you* excited? |
|
|
| Life as of late. |
[Jun. 2nd, 2008|09:20 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | The Cubby. | ] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  restless | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Fuck Bugs. | ] |
My head has been on temporary vacation for about the last week. The quitting-my-job jitters got in the way from me, y'know, actually *going* to work the last two days last week, because all I could think was "what are they gonna do? FIRE ME?" and then I laughed, because I was kind of already on top of that. Pretty much, I think it was because I had the new job gift wrapped and waiting for me (starting tomorrow!). Went out and bought stupid work heels and covered up my shame with a pair or flourescent orange and silver ZooYork kicks. How so awesome, TJMax? Cheapness supreme. Got a stupid work shirt that will keep me looking extra ridic to boot. So there's that horizon.
Got to spend lots of time with the boy. He was gonna quit his job at seven hundred eleven so we went job hunting. Applications everywhere and he ended up with a job right down the street at IHOP. Because he's got a used car salesman charm and *of course* he'll make bank. Thing is, seven hundred eleven's manager loves him too much to let him go fully, so it got worked out to him working IHOP like four nights (5-10) and back at seven hundred eleven from 11-7 three nights. He's gonna be a burned out boy, and despite how awesome the monetary sitch will be, I'm a little sad cause I know I won't be seeing him as much. We're giving up our days together to join the *grownup! workforce*. Kind of a drag. But I know it will work out. Right?
On a side note, my wrist blew up yesterday from a stupid bug bite and I am not the smart person who knows better than to scratch it. it's a big ow, but I come equipped with kung fu benedryl action. So my head's all cloudy nooow.
So! Life is good in your neck of the woods? I'm (eventually) going to do a rec post in the near future, because with lilited access to the interbutt (sk only) I am without my del. icio.us. Woe. But I am still reading and I've got a crap load of stories saved. Whee! |
|
|
| The only difference is, on MY last day, I won't write EAT PUSSY on the drive thru. |
[May. 23rd, 2008|09:16 pm] |
New job. New job.
TARA GOT A NEW JOB.
And it doesn't require me smelling like food, as to attract woodland creatures and strays on the way home.
And I'll be making more than I am after three years at this one.
And I will NEVER have to say 'may I take your order' ever again!!
And and and I'm automatically gonna have every Sunday off! (can we say epic saturday parties?)
AND it comes with a fifteen percent discount on everything in the store!
It's gonna be at cash converters, where I wish I could have been working before Wendy's.
And the manager doesn't even care that I'm gonna be selling stuff to people with my new pink and blonde hair!!
June 3rd can't come fast enough.
And next Thursday can hurry the fuck up cause my last three days are vacation days and holy shit I am so fucking stoked! |
|
|
| Late, as always. |
[May. 7th, 2008|12:29 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  drunk | ] |
I'm watching That Green Gentleman.
I miss being little.
Blame the mild intoxication.
Blame missing the Boy, who's at work till after the sun comes up.
I miss being naive.
I miss being so pure.
I miss believing the best about people, only to be shown the worst.
I hate seeing stereotypes walking right past me.
I miss being unaccountable for my actions, and being innocent.
I hate seeing what people become when they grow up.
I wish it was an option and not a mandate.
I stayed as secluded as I could for as long as I could, until I was forced out into this big, open world, full of judgment and speculation and suspicion and egos and hungry eyes.
I kind of wish I could have had an even more extended stay.
Having what I have now, makes it all seem worth it, though.
The sneers, the derogatory comments from strangers seen on a daily basis, the faces you'll never forget but will never be able to place a name to.
It's all worth a thousand times more to see his face after too many hours away from each other, both sleepless and afraid to make the first move.
He dropped the "L" word on 4/20.
I haven't stopped thinking about it since.
Too afraid to be the one to call the upper hand, too afraid to fall behind the ever-changing times.
What's good at twenty never looks as good at twenty-one.
Meeting parents soon, forming bonds with someone I hope I never lose.
With so much time devoted to thoughts that I don't deserve this, a few rebels are whispering that I do.
I want to believe it so fucking much. I do.
But the only thing that makes it real is seeing his smile meeting mine.
And I can't believe anything else.
Is it love? I don't know.
Am I being melodramatic? quite possibly.
But he makes me smile like I remembered something I forgot. |
|
|
| Why, yes. I DO plan to keep on fucking up at work until they get bored with writing me up. |
[May. 6th, 2008|09:24 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  amused | ] |
I think the next write-up I get, for whatever reason, I will sign it and then pull out a gold star sticker (that I will begin carrying around with me ASAP) and just stick it next to my name. It's all fucked anyways. They need me, my experience and whatever the hell else, and I kind of enjoy finding new ways to get in trouble and exercising my brain to come up with new excuses.
In what COULD have been my kiss off to the job, I was supposed to go in at 6p. The Boys friends wanted to go see the 4:10p showing for Iron Man. So we went and I assumed I'd pull something out of my ass and slide by yet again. One of my mgrs said I was supposed to go in at 7p, so I was banking on falling on that if it came to it. So we went to the mall, met up with one more person and went to buy tickets.
4:10p was SOLD the fuck OUT.
Next showing 5:10p.
So! The dilemma turned out to be: do I say "fuck it" and watch the movie, or! In a show of mature professionalism, turn down the offer to hang out with friends and watch a movie they would be seeing a second time and have to hear EVEN MORE about the awesomeness I missed TWICE, and have them take me back to work right then?
The movie was insane.
The Dark Knight trailer gave me a girl-boner (I am saddened at the fact that I am about the only girl that uses this term liberally. It's FUN AND EFFECTIVE in showing my enthusiasm, and really, saying 'boner' never gets old.)
So! The way the cookie crumbled, was I watched the movie, got out of there at about quarter after seven, high tailed it back to work and walked in the door at about quarter to eight. Almost two hours later than my scheduled time.
The awesomeness here, is that the mgr on shift was so STOKED I was actually there since we were slammed with customers almost until one a.m., and shared a common interest in the movie that he had just seen the day before, NOT ONLY DIDNT write me up, but threw in a "don't do that again, Tara" to boot.
I hate my job, but seriously, I keep getting a steady check and continue to find MORE ways to fuck my way around the system. I honestly believe I will let myself get fired before I leave the comfortable consistency of having managers who need me bad enough to overlook my fuck ups.
I SHOULD be at the Boy's house, but I am not.
I'm not gonna be able to sleep without him.
Boo. |
|
|
| my tummy doesn't like me. |
[May. 1st, 2008|03:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  loved | ] |
but i don't even care.
he wants to take me to meet the parents.
and he dropped the 'L' bomb.
i'm still not convinced that this isn't just a reealllly elaborately constructed dream, you guys. |
|
|
| Did you think i was dead? |
[Apr. 29th, 2008|03:27 am] |
I miss the internet. The Boy's keeping me at his place, not like I'm complaining, but it sorely subtracts from all the time I'm so used to spending on here. I'm all late whenever I see updates and all like the last one to know. I want to go back to squeeing about stuff more often.
But that's cool. I guess.
Maybe.
Hey! Why did it take me so long to get into Across the Universe? I literally cannot stop listening to/watching/telling anyone and everyone ever how awesome it was. Oh, Eddie Izzard, and Bono with the coo-coo-ca-choo that you do. I adore this movie with my teeny tiny little heart.
SO. You know. If you want, illuminate me on what kind of a hand life is dealing you sweethearts, let me know whats been up/down/blended inside out in the world of bandom, or just shoot the shit. If you want. Taking firearms to feces is a pretty acquired taste. Sorry! My stupid's overflowing again. |
|
|
| When I say 'shotgun', you say 'wedding' |
[Apr. 14th, 2008|06:28 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | amused | ] |
This is screaming 'photo op'!
Oh, how I love Panic.
Been MIA lately, missing the big announcements and whatnot.
Wentz got engaged? Timely, if you ask me. I try not to get all lecture-y on my viewpoints concerning certain bassists and certain sisters, but it's all just funny. With her making the rounds for her new cd that I have heard fuck-all about, and trying to sell an image that she adopted form her newest boy, it's all hitting me as a bit of a mastermind publicity plan. And really, who is better at getting publicity for his baby girls, be it good or bad?
I really want to believe Wentz is happier. I feel like the kid deserves it, given all the situations he's put himself into/through. I know noone really takes her seriously, and with just cause, BUT. It all just feels kind of sticky for me. Like it's not real. And I'm just an onlooker. Though I'm sure it's a whole other story for those involved. The only bad thing about the free speech we're allowed is that we use it so liberally and I feel like it's a sad situation that someone can get engaged and have so many poorly spelled, chat speak outcries of distress simply because of who they are. I know I'd hate it. So I'm gonna bite my tongue a bit and watch it all play out. If the boys make a new album, I'm sure it's gonna be full of some *very* interesting lyrics.
Elsewhere, in a state that way less people care about, I've been spending lots of time with the Boy. It almost feels weird being in my own apartment as I type this, just cause he's not here with me. The Ex called alst night to complain about his life and managed to be the asshole I thought he couldn't be. He made sure to tell me that "if things don't work out with your boy, you know, let me know". Which I translated as "if you get fucked over, call me up and I'll fuck you over some more. Just like old times." It was only awesome because I am so happy right now and the only thing I could do was laugh at him and his pathetic attempt to bring me down. Jealousy does not look good from any angle and he was green as shit.
How is the world spinning for everyone else on the ol' flist?
I'm gonna be checking my stuff as much as I can and I wanna know how all my pretty shiny people are doing. |
|
|
| A good day is one in which you learn something you previously had not known. |
[Apr. 4th, 2008|08:38 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  awake | ] |
So today/yesterday version 2.0 (because, really, sleep is vastly overrated) qualifies as a good day.
I found out I kinda love Jason Mraz. A lot. Not even because my brain feels like rubber when trying to figure out how to say a name like 'Mraz', or for the level of sympathy invoked from imagining how teachers must have butchered loved trying to pronounce such a unique name.
It's just. I'm a sucker for lyrics, and his lines are tremendous. He's got the kind of voice where the only choice he *had* was music, just because you couldn't see him behind the counter of some shit job, singing quietly to pass the time and watch that talent go to waste. I know I've got an odd way of describing things, but I guess I'm just pretty odd. Oh em gee! I amuse myself so effortlessly.
ANYWAYS! I'm in a share-y kind of mood (that and I finally got a mediafire account that I am ever-so-slowly building) so I'm going to drop off a few songs, ramble a bit about why, out of over three thousand songs on my ipod, I can't stop listening to some of these.
( The hills are alive with the sound of music. )
Holy shit, this has taken way longer than I thought.
I'll try and put up some more later. Or not, I'm undecided.
Off to toy with the xbox. |
|
|
| My shitty twin feels like a California king |
[Mar. 27th, 2008|06:44 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  thankful | ] |
When I am alone and cannot hear the lullaby in your chest.
You warm up my bones and break down my defenses.
A mess of limbs in the dark never looked or felt so good.
I hope I never get tired of missing you.
Hope my lips never get bored of kissing you.
My heart is like a hummingbird when you're around.
Boy I think I want to keep you. |
|
|
| Certain and unprofound thoughts I think are profoundly uncertain. |
[Mar. 25th, 2008|03:28 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
My roomate has the apartment colder than humanly bearable while awake. She is blissfully unaffected and unconscious to boot. Turning it up would only wake her up and she'd turn it back down. Guh.
I have become aware that my day lacks a set-in-stone routine. I wake up roughly an hour before (whenever) I work. Up at three, work at four. Up at seven, work at eight. Lately though, I have become distracted (ahem. Boy's fault) and have this potentially growing problem with being late to work. Not that *I* care personally, but I'm thinking my managers will flip their shit if I keep it up. Anyways! So, I work mostly night shifts, and I'm out anywhere from eleven at night to four in the morning. This whole...unavailability of time is weird. I'm either with Him, or one of us is waiting for the other to get off work, or we're both working.
Again, it's only got me in freak out mode because Boys in the past tended to relegate me to a weekend-only priority. And getting to see someone as awesome as Him, every day, is really new. I feel like I'm in high school, people. And not even *that* feels honest, cause I only pined after this one kid and met countless other ~weird~ boys. But! Deep breaths! And....I'm okay.
It's also alarmingly unfunny how often I seem to find myself i.d.-less, spanning about the last three years. Which, from like nineteen to now, it seems a pretty MAJOR time span to want to prove your existence and legal age to people behind convenience store/abc store counters. Thank god it only takes twelve bucks and about as many hours at the DMV to get it replaced. Between alcohol-fueled shenanigans, usually told back to me like a fairytale and wallet-nappers and the possibly two times it has rejected it's home in my bag, and JUMPED OUT(!), I am seriously contemplating tattooing my i.d. somewhere on my body.
Tonight, when I was walking home from work, the moon was gold. Shit you not. It was golden, and only added to the perfection of the moment was that I was listening to "When the Day Met the Night". Possibly on repeat. Possibly with Boy on my mind. Honestly, I smiled so hard, for a minute, I couldn't even feel the bite of the air. I was just that happy.
I am without plans of late. Long-term and short-term both. Which is weird. Financially, the absence of my wallet, and the close to $200 and my i.d. to boot, has me in a hole that feels really daunting trying to rise above. I just paid my phone bill from LAST month last week, and now my bill for THIS month is already a few days overdue. It's got me pissed off because I'm usually SO ON TOP of it. Throw in the medical bill from going to the ER after Valentine's Day ($700 to have a nurse shine a light in my black eye, and then pat my grossly bruised knee ON PURPOSE, prescribe me Ibuprofen [like my roomate doesn't have a million bottles with a dozen different dosages] and send me on my way) and fuck.
I'm still not sold on this whole growing up thing. And it all feels heavy on my shoulders. Because I know I put the distance between my family, but even if I hadn't, I know I couldn't ever go to them for help with it all. I was part of that family that had nothing once the head of the family walked out the door. And I got so used to not having *anything* that all this responsibility *still* throws me off my feet when I'm put face to face with it.
I don't even know. I'm just trying to find one good thing for every bad thing, and hope eventually it balances out. Like, I wish this were Monopoly (the streets here are named after them) and I could just pass go a few times. But I guess juvenile thinking has no place in "the real world".
I'm gonna go write about Panic now, and make myself feel better. |
|
|
| Maybe you'll read this, maybe not. |
[Mar. 25th, 2008|12:36 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  cold | ] |
Sometimes I am informative, and find news worthy enough to read. I know some people on the flist are fans, so this may already be old news. BUT! You know, if you're into Fall Out Boy, Tomrad, or photography.
I'm definitely stoked. His photography is really fucking awesome, and my limited vocabulary stunts me from making up prolific descriptions beyond 'awesome'. Maybe there'll be pictures of penguins. Throwing up some diamonds. If they're feeling the vibe. That'd rock my FACE OFF. |
|
|
| I forgot what my title was, so pretend this is a Pretty.Odd. lyric. |
[Mar. 22nd, 2008|08:27 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sleepy | ] |
I've got a complete Panic post in the works.
It's going to be awesome, if I can ever actually finish it.
Backspace and Delete are being used more than actual letters.
But I am determined to complete it, because it's obvious that there's a lot in my head that wants to be said, about the old, the new, and everything in between.
Such a shame then, that my brain is telling me to go to sleep.
But its coming! And when it does, I think it'll be epic.
At least by my standards. |
|
|
| I am all about strikes. But I've got a tiny bit of anarchy in me too. |
[Mar. 21st, 2008|06:09 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | restless | ] |
| [ | Current Music |
| | Pretty. Rubber-ducking. Odd. | ] |
Not like crossing the line, more like tip-toe-ing. Lightly. With people either spamming or staying away, I figure I have a good shot at rambling and noone will really be bothered either way.
So. I listened to P.O. and um...
I am about a hundred and forty-nine percent in love with it.
Like, I want to scribble down "Do you like me, check yes/no" notes to it in a school I don't go to, in a class I don't have, snuck past a teacher I've never met before talking about lessons I don't remember.
This is the extent of my love.
I just backspaced on an *epic* entry on what I'm feeling/thinking Panic-wise, but I'm really curious to hear about what you guys are thinking/feeling about the Panic hype, the record, how/if it's going to boost them into the musical stratosphere, the way it's not Fever 2.0, what you love/hate about the cd, Ryro singing, I don't know, I wanna talk Panic. I want to pick your pretty (avoiding an obvious opportunity to type ". odd.) brains about the whole thing.
Also, I learned that my favorite place to listen to FOB is in Boy's cubby-hole/bedroom thing. In the dark. Right before it starts getting light out. It made me fall for them all over again.
Also also, speaking of Boy, it couldn't *be* more awesome. I probably spent two hours outside his work (11-7, or something like that) and just sat and chain smoked in the chilly air while the floors were being waxed. We listened to Stephen Lynch and I got a ringtone for him. He got "Why Do Fools Fall In Love?" for me, and I got "I Believe In A Thing Called Love" for him. The Darkness. Yeah. I went there. If I could have gotten "Retarded in Love" by Say Anything, fuck yeah, I would've. Alas, the t-mobile library is slim in terms of awesomeness. I told my manager that it was kind of like, after liking all the wrong boys for all the most naive reasons, I'm kind of thrown for a loop. Because (secret time!) I have *never* been with someone who made me feel like I'm good enough the way I am. And. I just. I think I'm crazy for him. But I hate jinxing stuff, so keep it a secret, guys. |
|
|
| (no subject) |
[Mar. 20th, 2008|04:44 am] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  dorky | ] |
copied![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif) lessthangreat
1. If I look in your glove box, what will I find?
Without a car, I am without a glove box as well. Unless you mean a box for gloves! And then...well, no. I don't have that either.
2. What jewelery are you wearing?
A gatorade rubber band that says "Is it in you?" It never doesnt make me laugh. Earrings, standard. Lip ring. Chain from some hot topic pants on my wrist, and a necklace full of Monster tabs and beer tabs from St. Patty's night.
3. What is something your friends make fun of you for?
I over pronounce my 'o's. Like, when I say ocean, I say oooocean. Cola? Cooola. I don't know why. They tell me I'm an undercover Canadian. From Virginia. There's other stuff too, but I don't have all night.
4. When was the last time you saw the second person on your top 8 on myspace?
Cobra? Last summer. Soon to be this summer. It's been too long.
5. What is in your pocket right now?
Dryer lint, I imagine. Cause they're in the dryer. Otherwise, pocketless pajama pants. With CHERRIES!
6. Where was your default myspace picture taken?
Payden's bathroom.
7. A guy hits on you by saying, "how do you like your eggs in the morning?" you say:
"Scrambled. With catsup. And cheese. And preferably in your basement." Because I like saying stuff that catches you off guard and inadvertantly puts me in a dodgy situation.
8. Do you know someone that is in jail?
I'm not there, so I'm not too worried. I'm sure I will know someone one day. But this is not that day.
9. What was for breakfast this morning?
Leftover food from work. At four-thirty in the pm.
10. Something irritating about your living situation?
It's a family friend, and there's a strict no-liquor rule. And I get clumped in as her third kid when shit hits the fan. But luckily, I'm not here too often these days, so it's more of a stop-in/get clothes/pay rent kind of deal, which is FUCKING AWESOME.
11. Where are you right now?
Current living situation. Computer. Virginia. Earth.
15. What was the most interesting thing that happened today?
Payden drew me a pretty picture on a receipt depicting a line form the ring tone he got for me. Something about "Why Do fools fall in Love?" and rain falling from up above. omg, I am going to die from his awesome.
17. Last time you had blood taken?
Um...probably back around eighteen or nineteen.
18. Of your friends, who has the best boobs?
Me. Unless dude boobs count, then I'm not fit to judge.
19. What were you doing at midnight last night?
Making food at work to take to my friend who was stuck working all night. Tara cares.
20. Do you have a best friend of the opposite sex?
All of my friends, or at least most of them, are all dudes. And they're all my favorite.
21. Where were you 3 hours ago?
Stopping at 7-11 to see Payden before walking home in what could be described as a fucking wind tunnel. Then I found a bike on the side of the road. Now I have a bike! Yay!
22. What's for dinner tonight?
What's dinner?
24. What is gonna be the highlight of your week?
Everyday I get to hang out with him.
25. Taken any medicine lately and for what?
Ibuprofen for the hangover from Monday.
26. Would you rather have straws for legs or slinkies for arms?
Slinkies! And I'd spend all day on the stairs!
27. Of your friends, whose car do you want?
All? None? Driving doesn't appeal to me.
28. What is the last issue you thought about?
I don't remember. All I can think about right now is how awesome it'd be to have slinkies for arms.
29. Are you spoiled?
Haha. Fuck that. I grew up with nothing, I have nothing, I want very little.
30. Do you fake bake?
Again with the haha. I am the whitest girl I know, and refuse to tan. Most efforts result in incineration. On the spot.
31. What was the first thing you said when you woke up?
'Hey you'.
32. Something you dream about most of the time?
I can't ever remember my dreams. I know I had one once where I was in a warehouse, stealing tools (?) and I started getting chased and I jumped on the bus that was in the warehouse (of course) and it resulted in me being in a foreign country eating a sandwich with a royal figure looking at me from across the road. Then there were clouds.
33. When was the last time you hysterically cried?
Um. Probably around the Scott-era. I try not to document tears. I do not like them, Sam I Am.
34. Was anyone with you?
No. Don't like making it a group activity either.
35. What was the last thing you got in the mail?
Payden gave me a chicken sandwich from McDonalds.
36. Tomorrow...?
Is the day after today, Friday, the 21st. I'm gonna wake up in the cubby hole with a retarded smile on my face and then whine about work, while listening to him whine about work.
37. Who/What do you sleep with every night?
Ha. Him. Or my stuffed Grumpy Bear when he is not around.
38. Have you met anyone new in the past 24 hours?
Don't need to. I'm good.
40. What are you doing after this?
Prettying myself up for someone who's gonna be getting off.
41.The person you like is on the phone for 5 seconds, what do you say to him/ her?
I do my worst Schwarzenegger accent and tell him to "Come with me if you want to live, Detective John Kimball" Or just recite lines from The Whitest Kids U Know.
42. What will you be doing at 8pm tomorrow?
Saying goodbye again and going to work.
43. What are you saving your money up for right now?
Money? Saved? Ha. I need to have money to save money and a stolen wallet throws all my plans out of whack. I'm going dollar to dollar at this point. |
|
|
accomplished
crazy
hyper